I have always said that an emotionally intelligent person is emotionally free and healthy! I’m tired of reading all the people who are constantly posting and trying to sell, their lack of emotional freedom. You have seen it too ?
How to become emotionally free ?
How to become emotionally healthy ?
How to become emotionally intelligent ?
You really think that you can be any of these without holding hand in hand all ? Again, emotionally intelligent person is the one that is emotionally free and healthy . And is very difficult for us to get there.
There is no such thing as common rules of validity and correctness in human relationships. “Rules” are made by people because they feel more stable and think that they can more easily navigate their lives and foresee the future. However, the truth is that this is impossible and often times completely unnecessary. Life is much more colorful and diverse than one sees with one’s own limited subjective horizon. It is therefore good to allow the idea that there is a much greater variety in the world than what he has personally seen and experienced. In addition, each person is different and at a certain stage in the life cycle, there are no two people who have exactly the same value system, which is a stable constant, with the same relation to the generation. There are neither right nor wrong approaches, leaving the extremes of criminal behavior and psychological total neglect or total interference with the offspring’s life – equally unacceptable and morbid extremes. Everything else manifests in this world and is in order.
So that it doesn’t sound as if I’m trying to sell a project, I’ll imply that I’m not selling myself as a psychologist, or as more knowledgeable than all of you. I am writing as one of you all and will share my personal experience. I look at myself as an emotionally free person, but every day I face situations that shows to me. No, girl you are not there yet. More and more looks to me like the greatest journey in life is this. To get to know ourselves and manage to to go step up. Increasingly, the real case seems to be that it is most difficult to get rid of the accumulated negative experiences, emotions, fears, or generalizations at all that constantly sabotage us.
Just as example , how many people ever told you that you can’t do something because they didn’t manage ? Or a new partner you meet and they start telling you who, how hurt them and that’s why they have difficulties to open themselves for you ? They immediately start comparing you to someone you don’t even know, have no eyes or desire to see you at all. In other words, they look at you , but they do not see you at all ? Or your parents going after you fully convinced of what and when you have to do whatever you are already 20, 30 or 40 years old. And you realize how your own parents didn’t bother at all to get to know who you are and what you need, but most selfishly they make you feel guilty and obliged to them? How many times we been in situation we want to say something but not allowing ourselves to do it ? So many more situation is there to be said. And this is not aimed at the goal of being different or leaving the matrix. From the matrix we can not get out, not until we have to pay our bills and go to the toilet figuratively speaking. But we are different in ourselves. The people around us are trying to humiliate us at the level of “we are all the same”. But as I said above , believe ” There is no such thing as common rules of validity and correctness in human relationships”.
And here comes the hardest part. How to know ourselves and allow ourselves to be ourselves without allowing others to conduct our emotions, self-esteem, actions or lack of such. Just like you I don’t have answer. But I know we cannot be emotionally free when we are surrounded by other people who are not. Usually, this is a prerequisite for situations that escalate at some point. There is a lack of understanding and respect. I am an adherent to the theories of psychologists (especially Freud). Our parents are the people who will have the greatest impact. This is where the fun part begins. It’s full of parents whose understanding is that their children are owned, they believe they know everything. For example, my mother still wonders how she likes jewelry, and I don’t? You understand what I mean. If I like to sleep a lot, then my child also likes to sleep a lot. Yes but no. Or not in my case. And I know many of you can say it too. But now we all know maybe we will never reach there the full emotional freedom unless we don’t move in the forest fully alone.
I had a plan year ago, I strongly believed is the perfect one ( yes, let’s all laugh together ) . However, during this one year I can say I was emotionally free till the day that year pass was here. Of course all emotional freedom and control of my feelings collapsed. Collapsed when I started to speak about with other people and yep, your guess is right , everyone started speak from their experience , some put down the situation like is nothing, other go a bit harder , but the worst is the ones that ignored and belittled. And these are usually those who are part of the situation. And this is the moment which makes it clear that emotional freedom is a whole philosophy. That you always depend one way or another on others.
And for myself at the moment, I can say that undoubtedly communication is one of the keys to succeeding in helping each other to be emotionally free. But not just a parody of communication. It takes sincerity and a desire to know those you claim to love. And I think it’s really very difficult to achieve. Many people are still inclined to conceal their true feelings. They take a defensive position, even when not needed, but run before the wind figuratively speaking. Still many people prefer false reality to reality itself. I know we’ve all been there. Sometimes you know you’re going the wrong way, but you don’t want to leave it because you prefer a beautiful lie to an ugly reality. I know that we will not be able to reach the goal until we are able to be ourselves with the people who are part of our lives. The small lies that someone says and believes they do for good are just one indication that there is a person who is not emotionally free and automatically puts us in that circle. Or vice versa.
Emotional freedom enables us to recognize, work consciously and direct our emotions. This have to start from us. Be honest with ourselves front of ourselves because only then we will be able to show the people around us who we are. And this will possible make them to respect us more. Or if you don’t say what you want , need , like, dislike you are letting the selfish needs of people around you to have control over you.